Proof of Love

Evi and I have very different relationships with Valentine’s Day. Her family has a history of showing Love for each other on this day every year. I have a history of feeling judged as being unworthy. Before I had girlfriends, I would hardly ever get Valentine’s cards. When I had girlfriends, I felt I needed to make them feel a certain level of happiness by buying them gifts or I would be judged as being unworthy of their love.

I know now that my experiences were a direct result of my beliefs about myself, but that feeling came up for me again this year. Even though I have shared a huge amount of Love with Evi recently and she told me that she didn’t need me to do anything special on Valentine’s Day, I found out this morning that Valentine’s Day is a big deal for her. Once again, the feeling of having failed to prove my love and worthiness rears its ugly head.

You can’t prove your love to anyone. They’ll either see that you love them or they won’t. I’ll love Evi forever.

I hope that I can heal this old wound soon and that my wife and I can celebrate even Valentine’s Day on the common ground of Love.

Are your Valentine’s Day rituals are based in Love or Fear? Evi’s family’s were based in Love. Mine were based in Fear.




  1. I don’t think anybody should be forced into feeling pressure to express love. What about the other 364 days of the year?

    I feel similar about other “significant” days of the year. Why only feel a certain way or express certain things once a year? If it’s a worthwhile sentiment then why not do it once a month… once a week… or every day!

    Likewise gift-gifting. I like to give gifts that I feel are appropriate to the recipient, and pressure to have to find a suitable gift to a deadline often leads to exasperation and feeling that I haven’t found a good gift, only a consolatory token. Give gifts anytime, not just birthdays/christmas/valentines/whenever we’re told by society to do so.

    Don’t be a slave to artificially created societal calendars!

    • I think a lot of people share your sentiment Steve.

      I show affection in many ways, many times a day. Being told that I’m supposed to do it on Valentine’s Day rubs me up the wrong way, but here’s something to get your mind around:

      My wife told me that her idea of Romance is doing what the other person feels is romantic. So, if Valentine’s Day is important to her (which it is) and I love her (which I do) then a little romantic gesture on Valentine’s Day can’t hurt (which I did do after all). 🙂

      You can never really make somebody happy (that’s their choice) but you can always try.

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