Evi and I have very different relationships with Valentine’s Day. Her family has a history of showing Love for each other on this day every year. I have a history of feeling judged as being unworthy. Before I had girlfriends, I would hardly ever get Valentine’s cards. When I had girlfriends, I felt I needed to make them feel a certain level of happiness by buying them gifts or I would be judged as being unworthy of their love.
I know now that my experiences were a direct result of my beliefs about myself, but that feeling came up for me again this year. Even though I have shared a huge amount of Love with Evi recently and she told me that she didn’t need me to do anything special on Valentine’s Day, I found out this morning that Valentine’s Day is a big deal for her. Once again, the feeling of having failed to prove my love and worthiness rears its ugly head.
You can’t prove your love to anyone. They’ll either see that you love them or they won’t. I’ll love Evi forever.
I hope that I can heal this old wound soon and that my wife and I can celebrate even Valentine’s Day on the common ground of Love.
Are your Valentine’s Day rituals are based in Love or Fear? Evi’s family’s were based in Love. Mine were based in Fear.